BEDA – Blog Every Day in April

1 Apr

And so I shall.

INITIATE BARREL SCRAPING MATRIX

Terrible, humourless jokes, in the style of Kate Beaton (harkavagrant.com)*

Neil Finn walks into a bar
The barman says ‘Neil Finn, your quirky yet soulful brand of pop rock helped to shape the nineties with Crowded House’
Neil Finn says ‘Yes, but the suicide of drummer Paul Hester sent the band into a slump from which it never quite recovered’

Nietzche and God run into each other
Nietzche says ‘God, you are dead’
God says ‘Friedrich, it is 2009. You also are dead’
They frolic in a field of roses forever

Three goats walk into a bar
The first one thinks ‘As farmyard animals who are unable to speak, we are inappropriate characters for a joke based on human social behaviour’
The other two agree

Nineteen Albanians fall off a cliff
Ba-dum tish

How many Japanese people does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a maximum of two Japanese people to change a lightbulb, and only then if one person needs a leg-up from the other to reach the source of light

There’s an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman
The Scotsman says ‘We Scots were oppressed for many years by the imperialistic English until we formed the United Kingdom with them in the 1700s’
The Irishman says ‘Yes, but the Irish refused and were subject to a national schism which continues to cause trouble and death to this very day’
The Englishman says ‘Aye, we English were the cause of a great deal of war and strife in our quest to conquer the world, which almost succeeded, but revolutions from several conquered nations, most notably India, served to diminish our influence and slowly break down the empire. Today we are no longer the industrial powerhouse we once were, and have given back most of the nations we took over as a show of good faith after World War Two. Let us all go and have ice cream’
The Irishman says ‘I don’t want to’

*Kate Beaton’s jokes are neither terrible nor humourless. These ones, though…

Real post tomorrow yo! Actually, I wouldn’t be surprised if you don’t come back.

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