Omegle’s Greatest Hits, Volume I

22 Nov

Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: Jimmy?
Stranger: no, i’m not jimmy.
You: You aren’t?
You: Dang.
You: Jimmy told me to meet him at this website.
Stranger: um…
You: I assumed it was some kind of government communications console.
Stranger: bye~!
You: He works for the government, you know.
Stranger: i don’t know anything! anyway, i’ll go now. bye!
You: No, really. And a fishmonger’s in Long Street, but also for the government. I’m not crazy.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Connecting to server…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Jimmy?
Stranger: hi
Stranger: no
You: Damn!
Stranger: fuck
Stranger: u only want him
Stranger: asl
You: Well, I was hoping to meet him here. He said he had some important information for me regarding the sale.
Stranger: u may have his msn
Stranger: leave it
You: I only know his identity through a series of increasingly difficult word puzzles. His name and this site came up, along with some rather graspingly cryptic stuff about ‘twilight roses’ and ‘the owl that hoots in the daytime’.
You: I realise it’s a stretch, but you don’t know him, do you?
Stranger: no
Stranger: u like word puzzles
You: About five foot four, never wears a hat, off-green shoes, exactly thirty-nine teeth, one ear slightly out of whack?
You: I really need those sale details, too.
Stranger: why
You: It’s highly important.
Stranger: u run a business
You: You might say that.
You: We deal in items that aren’t readily available to the public. Unless they look reeeeally hard.
Stranger: what is it
You: You want to know?
You: You really want to know.
Stranger: sth so secret
Stranger: yea
You: Once you know, you can’t go back.
Stranger: weapon
Stranger: ok
You: No, not guns.
Stranger: drugs
You: Not drugs either.
You: Or sandwiches, before you ask.
Stranger: lei me give another try
You: Okay.
Stranger: guy
Stranger: women
You: No. They tend not to do what they’re told, am I right? Huh? Woo!
You: Okay, you know those little decorative gnomes they sometimes sell at gas stations?
Stranger: no
You: Good, cause it’s not those either.
Stranger: lol
Stranger: u kid me
Stranger: what is it
You: I am waiting to recieve a shipment of sixty thousand prosthetic noses at high noon tomorrow.
You: You want in?
You: Shit! The Cambodians are here! Tell Jimmy I love hi—
You have disconnected.

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hey
You: Jimmy?
Stranger: no
Stranger: but hi
You: I’m trying to get to Jimmy. If you see him, will you tell him I’m looking for him?
You: Say it’s me.
Stranger: how would i know and thats very general
You: Ah, you’d know Jimmy. He’s a distinctive fella, very low-slung face.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi asl
You: Jimmy?
Stranger: im male
Stranger: u?
You: But are you Jimmy?
Stranger: yes u?
You: Thank God. Listen, the barge carrying the noses capsized off Cambodia.
You: Where the hell are we going to get sixty thousand new noses from?
Stranger: u horny?
You: I’m irritated! Those noses are fifty thousand for five, street value!
Stranger: h u m/f
Stranger: *?
You: How much would you pay for water-damaged prosthetic noses? If you’ve got a dinghy, maybe we can make a deal.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Jimmy?
Stranger: hi wut ur name
Stranger: no
You: Blast!
You have disconnected.

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Jimmy?
Stranger: tommy
You: Damn. Can’t seem to find Jimmy anywhere.
Stranger: not your lucky day.i guess
You: He told me to meet him at a ‘website’.
You: This is one of those, right?
Stranger: yea.it is
Stranger: so you are on a date with your gay jimmy?
You: Maybe I got the wrong one. There can’t be more than about five, though? Right?
Stranger: it;s about 2458 person
Stranger: maybe you should keep trying
You: Well, I’ll just have to get through them all. I need to speak with Jimmy about the stuff.
You: You haven’t got any spare noses on you, have you?
You: All of mine capsized in a barge off Cambodia yesterday.
Stranger: no i donot
You: Damn. Well, if you meet Jimmy, tell him I’m looking for him.
Stranger: alright.maybe next life
You: You’d recognise him if you saw him. His eyebrows are gold.
Stranger: wow.gold
You: And made of felt, but that’s another story.
Stranger: like THE GOD
Stranger: tell me about it
You: Well, the story goes like this:
You: His eyebrows are gold and made of felt.
You: Wait, did you say God?
You have disconnected.

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: God?
Stranger: hihi
Stranger: no god
Stranger: im dog
Stranger: dgldgldgldlgdl
You: Blasphemy!
You have disconnected.

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