The Disgraceful Existence of Jack Blogman, Gentleman

19 Jan

Some things about me you didn’t know unless you’re stalking me (which is massively unlikely – ah, to be read widely enough to have my very own sociopath…aaanyway)

  • The name of this blog is a threefold reference – it refers to the colours of a football team, the city that football team comes from, and a song by Crowded House. The song is about the frontman’s dalmatian. (That piece of information was even more useless than the three that preceded it.)
  • I spend too much time on the internet and too little time getting drunk, but I spend exactly the right amount of time getting drunk while on the internet.
  • I am the only one of my friends who regularly drinks whisky on nights out and enjoys it. My friends say that this is because I am mentally unsound. I say that it’s because I acquired a taste for it at the beginning of my drinking career, and also because I am harder than ten men. I refuse to wear coats in cold weather and everything.
  • I have exactly three shirts. The fact that two are now unfashionable and I am too flabby to pull off the third one is irrelevant. I am, in fact, one of an elite force of incredibly casual men. We are, collectively, as laid back as it is possible to be without falling over. This tendency to ignore the harder points of reality can, however, impede conversation and makes crossing a road genuinely terrifying.
  • I dislike the following things in no order – arrogance, cabbage, obnoxiously loud students, pretension, Kate Bush, willing stupidity, attention-seeking, DJs, people on scooters, five pence pieces, banks, the vast majority of metal and punk bands, people who think they know anything at all, people who elbow past you in clubs, egotism, taxi fights caused by moronic Southern students, pointless travelling – that is, people who have been to Vienna at least twice and are therefore better than you – and every celebrity called Jeremy: from Clarkson to Kyle and back. There are more, but the internet only has so much space.
  • My surname is not ‘Blogman’.
  • My most desired holiday destination of all time is any rental car dealership on any large inhabited continent.
  • This post is arbitrarily over.
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