See The Little Goblin – Anatomy of a House Party

9 Apr

(I am still hugely hungover from last night, so this will have to do)

Went to a house party
Drank whisky and Blue Charge out of a flourescent green plastic martini glass
Immediately played Ring of Fire with a tumbler of same
At some point, drank all the whisky
Climbed halfway out of the bathroom window to broadcast my thoughts at the people below
Met a person I used to go to school with – he was in the year below me – and took great delight in rubbing his bald head every time he said anything
Was asked if I’d go to bed with one of my female friends, offered my approval – was then declined
Introduced myself to a man I’d already been introduced to and made sweeping judgements about the Tory party, stag weekends, and (oddly enough) plumbing, all of which fortunately he agreed with
Drank whatever was in the fountain
Used an incredibly long straw to hijack the drinks of whoever was around – and it worked
Joined two of the straws together to make a limbo stick and had to stand there holding the damn thing for about twenty minutes while everyone had a go
Made assurances to people I’d never met before that I would attend the events they were holding in the next month – I didn’t take their names or numbers and will most likely never meet them again
Put a cardboard box on my head and went “aaaaaagh”
Commented on the headgear of a perfect stranger and discussed it with him for about half an hour – it was a baseball cap with pictures of Marvel characters on it
Wandered through the house, eventually going up to the top bedroom and discovering one of my hosts asleep, whereupon a sheaf of papers caught my eye and I sat down on his bed to read an 11-page short story. When he woke up to quite reasonably demand what I was doing, I told him exactly what I thought of his fiction – I believe I compared it to William Faulkner – and we talked about why his teacher didn’t like it and whether or not he would attempt to publish. This was at about four in the morning
Attempted to start a game of Ring of Fire with three people
Played Twister with myself
Called one of my long-suffering friends and asked her, with apparent sincerity, exactly what time we’d be going to see the film we’d booked tickets for, who was going, whether one of her female friends was going, and what the odds were that I’d be able to have sex with this person
Went to bed

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